tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8195899594127492619.post2869048478369092764..comments2023-07-30T15:47:32.922+01:00Comments on Pippa Jay: Three Line Pitch - TetheredPip Greenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02141472079095619099noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8195899594127492619.post-39665803898192289192012-11-21T20:48:00.700+00:002012-11-21T20:48:00.700+00:00This to everyone on your feedback - I appreciate i...This to everyone on your feedback - I appreciate it all! :)Pippa Jayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15146591827060731958noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8195899594127492619.post-50502296614522008502012-11-19T22:05:16.847+00:002012-11-19T22:05:16.847+00:00Kaye, it's so good to see you back! :)
Thanks ...Kaye, it's so good to see you back! :)<br />Thanks for dropping by to comment on this, I appreciate it. :)Pippa Jayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15146591827060731958noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8195899594127492619.post-28541952317995570342012-11-19T22:00:56.284+00:002012-11-19T22:00:56.284+00:00Hi Pippa! Just wanted to say that all three are fi...Hi Pippa! Just wanted to say that all three are fine of course. I think number 3 is more to the point. Still, it is a matter of what you want.<br /><br />Good to see you around the cyber. I missed everyone! Kaye Manrohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03639814610213100626noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8195899594127492619.post-21070347716246528342012-11-17T01:03:25.164+00:002012-11-17T01:03:25.164+00:00I like a little bit of all three, but I do think y...I like a little bit of all three, but I do think you have too many details and they are masking the main plot. I don't know anything about pitch lines, but how about something like this:<br /><br />Tyree of the Su is a psi-talented assassin, bred and trained, genetically perfect. When her sister clone is murdered(?) while negotiating the essential peace treaty with the fearsome Tier-vane, Tyree must step in and take her place without being discovered as a fraud. Can she keep herself and her co-delegate alive long enough prevent a war that humanity may not win without losing her heart to her charming yet deeply scarred co-delegate, Zander D'joren.Kristahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01406498407040912739noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8195899594127492619.post-33976940432423096482012-11-16T22:03:23.629+00:002012-11-16T22:03:23.629+00:00#1 takes too long to get to the point. #2 and #3 a...#1 takes too long to get to the point. #2 and #3 are much more succinct and stack the odds better. I'd go for #3 with that first line from #2. It doesn't give too much detail, so it doesn't get bogged down. Which is what TKToppin said :)Gretahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06011218229698210595noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8195899594127492619.post-36674546978810720792012-11-16T16:49:25.594+00:002012-11-16T16:49:25.594+00:00I love number two Pippa. :) Good luck! The book so...I love number two Pippa. :) Good luck! The book sounds great.Frances Paulihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11690177907315923299noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8195899594127492619.post-49243560800863249902012-11-16T16:41:46.452+00:002012-11-16T16:41:46.452+00:00I like #2, but like the simplicity (and straight-t...I like #2, but like the simplicity (and straight-to-the-point directness) of #3. The first line in #2 explains who Tyree is...and then you can go into #3... Yeh, just change the beginning of #3 and carry on. <br />GOOD LUCK!!!! :DTK Toppinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00192845664117376346noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8195899594127492619.post-78364841559518551462012-11-16T16:08:14.296+00:002012-11-16T16:08:14.296+00:00Sounds really exciting! My pick is a combo of #1 a...Sounds really exciting! My pick is a combo of #1 and #2. I really love the 'bred and trained, genetically perfect' line. Wow! For me, I really like how you ended #1 with a question...so I combined the two. Feel free to disregard if you want ;) Good luck with the pitch! Excited for ya! :D<br /><br />Tyree of the Su is a psi-talented assassin, bred and trained, genetically perfect. But when her sister clone - one of a pair of delegates negotiating the essential peace treaty between the Terrans and the fearsome Tier-vane - is killed, Tyree must attempt to take her place. Can she hide the fact that she's a replica and still prevent further attempts to wreck the treaty all while guarding her heart against her charming and deeply scarred co-delegate… Zander D'joren?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08920349957061612653noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8195899594127492619.post-59393651478240759182012-11-16T14:49:03.423+00:002012-11-16T14:49:03.423+00:00I vote for pitch #2. Sounds interesting and flows ...I vote for pitch #2. Sounds interesting and flows well. Love it! :)Danihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11771933666836228852noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8195899594127492619.post-3535218293808468042012-11-16T14:46:07.647+00:002012-11-16T14:46:07.647+00:00This comment has been removed by the author.Danihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11771933666836228852noreply@blogger.com