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| Cover by Danielle Fine |
Hello, and welcome to another #sffsat snippet. Many thanks to all those who visit and comment. I'm continuing with Terms & Conditions Apply, and having asked for the avatar's designation, Marie is given its name instead - Soren. But she has a problem with that...
Only sentient beings used that particular
form of reference.
Confused, Marie walked back along the
corridor and the avatar kept pace with her as they returned to the center.
“Do all avatars have names?”
“All those on Venus Ascendant. I’ve never
met any elsewhere to ask.”
Soren guided her around the curved edge of
the center and down a wider corridor not quite opposite the one they’d left. It
walked with an easy grace, its hands clasped behind its back, avoiding
passersby in a fluid dance. Marie struggled to keep pace and her progress
through the crowd was far more awkward. Perhaps observing her troubles, Soren
placed his left arm around her waist. Marie opened her mouth to protest, but he
deftly swept her into an adjoining corridor and guided her to a seat before she
could collect the words.
© 2009-2012
Copyright Philippa J. Green All Rights Reserved
You can check
out the other authors in SFFSAT by going to the main blog here. (BTW, following on from a conversation on Twitter I hope everyone has taken the
time to read the new addition to SFFSAT's About - that this is NOT intended as a
critique forum unless a participant specifically requests that type of
feedback).
I like the words you use to signal Marie's distress: Struggled, awkward, troubles, protest. Great subtle signals to the reader.
ReplyDeleteVery descriptive. I love the way you had him walking...pictured it immediately (reminds me of someone I know, only he comes with a stick up his back end). Good stuff!!
ReplyDeleteBeware of handsy avatars. :-)
ReplyDeleteI like how you went from neuter gender to signifying Soren as a male in Marie's mind. That subtle transition says everything!
ReplyDelete:) Heidi
Thanks, Heidi - it was difficult to know the best place to make that transition. She was very resistant to the idea of thinking about it as 'him'.
DeleteThat walk, I love the description there
ReplyDeleteI have this suspicion that quite a lot of Marie's confusion comes from the conflicting messages - her head is saying that this is a machine, but her eyes are identifying an attractive man - when he puts his arm around her waist (rather than just taking her arm) it focusses her conflicting responses in contrast to the avatar's confidence. Very nice snippet.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Peter - yes, she is struggling with the idea.
DeleteTM Stole my comment--AS ALWAYS. Anyway, I enjoyed the sense of confusion and the ability to personify the avatar without use of expository descriptions.
ReplyDeleteHas me wondering more and more about this avatar.
ReplyDeleteNice snippet! I'm intrigued by these two. The avatar is more than he seems, I think. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm intrigued. But then, I have a soft spot for artificial intelligence.
ReplyDeleteVery nice way of conveying her confusion. There is so very much more to Soren than she thinks or wants to admit. I can't wait for the zinger!
ReplyDeleteVery nice snippet. :-)
ReplyDeleteIt's very easy for this scene to bloom in my imagination. Great snippet!
ReplyDeleteIt's Peter who stole my comment, except that the conflict for her--whether to be attracted to an AI--is what makes the reading oh-so-delicious. Fantastic details and pace.
ReplyDeleteI believe Tash's question to Data becomes relevant - is he "fully functional"? :D
ReplyDeleteHe he, and that's what you have to read the full story to find out. Not long now!
Delete