Why I'll Never Buy a Google Device ever again

I don't usually post stuff about technology, or about my family, but I needed to get this off my chest and maybe forewarn a few parents. I'm not a huge fan of tablets. I have my Nokia Lumia Windows smartphone that I adore, and a slow but serviceable notepad computer. Right now we have an old and not altogether working main computer for the household, although that beats the totally dead one we've had since July. But back in August last year my eldest was approaching 11 and secondary school. We decided to get her a tablet to do her research and homework on, something she could use. After discussion we decided on the upcoming new release of the Google Nexus 7 over a Kindle Fire, simply because as an author who has done some self publishing I'm very aware of what an all-consuming monster Amazon is becoming. Buying a device totally tied to their store made me slightly twitchy (and yes, I have a basic Kindle. My works are mostly digital so I need an ereader. Hubs has a Kobo and I don't like that either).
From day one, I've hated the Nexus. I'm not very tech savvy. I can work my way round my computer and smartphone well enough, but my philosophy with tech is mostly to push buttons until something works. Not so easy with the tablet. To start with, you had to sign in with a Google account to even get started. Foolishly I used a secondary gmail account I'd set up to handle a blog hop last year. What I didn't know was once you'd signed in with that, you couldn't change it later. Even when I'd set up eldest with her own gmail account. Sigh. The constant pop ups from the Google Play store are a PITA. Doesn't bother eldest too much as she automatically hits close or skip, but I found it rather disturbing to see "Wanna chat with Hot Chicks?" popping up when I went on there, despite the content settings apparently on "suitable for all". O.o
We had odd problems with it freezing, not charging, or apps suddenly quitting. Since those last were free I figured you couldn't expect perfection. Then we had a weekend where it wouldn't charge at all unless I sat and held the charger cable in place. I was all set to return it...except it magically went back to working by Sunday evening.
But Tuesday morning I went on it to browse Facebook, before signing out to play a couple of quick rounds of Tetris Blitz. I'd played one game before the inevitable autoplay video popped up. And I was horrified. I recognized the opening. I'd seen it a few late nights on TV, and I'm talking about ones shown after 11pm. This was a graphic video about sexual assault and rape, and it was playing on my 11yo's tablet. Worse, it gave no option to skip, and even when I tried to close it, it wouldn't. The entire thing played out, about a woman being forced to have sex by her abusive partner.
Now, sexual assault is an important issue, but this is so NOT appropriate as an unavoidable autoplay on a device popular with even very young kids, and during a game that I'd let my 5yo play! This should not have been on there. And while you might say that I should have somehow had more control over this, I think it's wrong. My smartphone came with a content lock on it already. Why the hell doesn't this tablet?
I've already said I'm not tech savvy. They say there's no excuse for ignorance, and I damn well could have done more research. But how many other non-savvy parents might hand this over to their kids? Surely all these kind of things should come with a child lock on that is down to adults to remove for themselves, like I did with my smartphone? My kids are growing up where nearly everyone has a phone that can surf the 'net, where tablets and computers are everywhere. They are way more likely to spend time with technology.
You can bet I've done my research now. I've downloaded a parental control app, disabled downloads, and put locks on anything that might result in my child being exposed to that video again, or others like it. I've complained to Google. I will never recommend this device to anyone. And when it dies, I will never buy another. Yes, I might have been able to prevent that video getting on her tablet if I'd looked into it sooner. I'm not perfect. But I still think Google should send these out with content locks already installed.

Seven reasons why I'm not following you back on #Twitter

Warning - this is a rant. Okay, maybe not quite a rant because I've mulled this over a few times to make sure these are the top seven things that annoy me most about Twitter. I may lose a few followers over this, but I know in general most of my friends get annoyed by these kind of things too. So, the reasons I won't auto-follow you back:

1.A profile without an image/information, or a profile that is just links and/or tells me nothing about YOU. As Dr.Evil would say "throw me a frickin' bone here!" Tell me something. I've seen profiles that have just left me thinking "huh?!" Some that are nothing but links or hashtags that I've never even seen, let alone know what they mean. A lot of team follow back ones, something I especially hate because the obsession seems to be about numbers and not interaction (and 90% of the time it will all be bots anyway). No info - just #follow #back #teamfollow etc. I don't mind comedy ones, but tell me something real that I can connect to. Mine might be a tad boring, but I've tried to tell you who I am in the space allowed. Just post a link to your log/website where all your books are listed if you're an author - if I like something in your profile or tweets, I'll check them out. But I won't click all the links in your profile.

2.An auto DM when I follow you, telling/asking me to check out your book/services/Facebook page/Blogsite. Don't do it! I don't autofollow, so if I DO follow you, then there's a good chance I've seen something about you that interests me. You should have your fb page/blog etc on your profile - at least one of them, but preferably not all otherwise there's no space for you to tell the world what you're about, and a load of links with no info makes me think you're only about selling something - so I can check that out if I want to. But I already follow over 900 people, and I don't check out all their sites. Usually I'll wait until they tweet something that interests me. But if you DM me pushing me to check you out, I will automatically unfollow.

3.RTing #mm, #ww and #ff mentions. Please don't! Thank the person who mentioned you, but don't RT the whole thing! That means if my name happened to be in that mention, I get a stream full of the same mentions over and over again. Why?! You're not mentioning me specificially! The person who did the original tweet did that! Just thank them and maybe #ff them back or whatever. I'll have seen your ID in the original tweet already, and all you do by RTing it is discourage me from following you so I get them all over again.

4.Don't specifically @ me to RT. I will RT things for some friends, things that interest me personally or are a warning about scams and dodgy deals, charities and good causes, and things like submission calls. If you're desperate for RTs then cultivate a following. Or add 'pls RT' to your tweet and hope a few generous souls will do so.

5.Don't tweet just links with no explanation. I see a lot of these, and frankly I won't click them because scammers do that all the time. At least tell me what the link is about, or why you've RT'd it if you have.

6.Don't tweet nothing but sales links and/or reviews, and especially don't @ them at people. I came onto Twitter because I read it was THE place for authors to promote. But I have to say I use it mostly to socialize. Okay, so I now have titles on sale and I have tweeted sales links and reviews, but 90% of my tweeting is chat. The rest is the odd bit of promotion, and more likely promotion for other authors and events that I like rather than myself. Talk to me. Chat. Interact. Don't just hit me with sales links, because I don't like it and I try hard as Hades not to do it myself. Never TELL me to buy your book. How would you like it if I told you to buy mine?

7.Don't repeatedly follow and unfollow me to try and get me to follow. I DO notice things like that. If it happens three or four times over a year, then maybe you've forgotten you unfollowed me before, or maybe I've started tweeting stuff you're interested in again, and then you get bored. And I am aware of the Twitter glitch that meant people were being unfollowed from others without knowing. But do it four or five times in a month or more, and it feels like you're just jumping up and down going 'look at me, LOOK AT ME!' If I didn't follow you back the first or second time, no way am I going to now.

So, what are your pet peeves on Twitter? Did I miss any out?

How not to solicit a review #2

Okay, just recently I've been getting far too many of these form review requests, and it's making me cross. Review requests are fine. I do have a review policy that states I don't take review requests, but polite emails clearly addressed to me get an equally polite response and my Book Reviewers List link (see the tabs above to find it). Form requests don't. How do I know this is a form request and not a personalized one? Because of the format, and because at least one fellow author has received the exact same email at the same time. Form requests sent en masse are rude, lazy, and smack of desperation. Form letters are a temptation to me to go and leave a BAD review. Don't do it. It just makes me cross and, in this case, post your email as an example to others of what not to do. So...

This is the email I received, with my comments in blue.

Hey there, love your blog. (so, immediately I'm annoyed. Why? They say they love my blog! Wrong. If they 'loved' my blog they would - 

1.Know my name. Seriously, there's no excuse. It's in huge letters on my blog banner as the title of the blog. It's in the blog address and my email address. It's on every damn post on my blog. Even if you referred to me as Pip, Pippa, Pippa Jay, Pippa Jay Green or even Philippa Green (copyright holder) then I'd maybe believe it. But you don't. So you start with a blatant lie and can't be bothered to refer to me by name. You clearly haven't been to my blog and checked it out, other than to maybe grab my email. And you want me to care about your  book? I appreciate this approach about as much as the paper variety that comes as 'Dear Householder.'
2.You'd have commented at least once.
3.You'd have read my review policy, which quite clearly states I don't take direct review requests outside of the two sites I ocassionally write for. There ARE exceptions, but a blatant form request won't cut it. If you really, really want me to review your book you can try via Critique de Book asking for me, but I rarely take them.
4.You'd know my genre. The banner says Scifi. Most of my reviews, particularly this year, are scifi or scifi romance. Most of the authors I host write speculative fiction, but the books I host are generally scifi, fantasy or paranormal. About the only thing outside these genres that I review is writing advice. And I'm very, very picky, which is why I rarely take review requests. I prefer to review books I've chosen to buy myself and where I feel under no obligation to review it if I don't like it.
5.You'd have seen the last form letter I quoted as how not to solicit a review.

I have a new horror/mystery/historical fiction novella titled “title removed - no free advertising for this work on my blog.” (see point 4 above. I don't read mysteries or historical fiction. The only horror I've read and reviewed are The Crimson Pact volumes, which are demon-based, because I have a bit of a thing for demons. I've struggled with general horror and don't review it. Also, while I'm aware a lot of books cross multiple genres, that seems a bit of a mixture to me). You are welcome to a complimentary PDF file copy of the book if you like, with no obligations on your part to do anything. (Um, you have asked me to review it. There was a huge furore on Goodreads about a writer naming and shaming book bloggers who accepted free copies of his book but then failed to post reviews. There are plenty of good reasons why a book reviewer wouldn't post a review and I think the writer was utterly wrong in what he did. But I won't accept a book on those terms when I know a review is 'expected' of me, regardless of you stating there's no obligation. By sending it to me, you place me under obligation straight away. Also, PDF comes out weird on my Kindle. Again, most reviewers state what formats they can accept, so offering PDF if they clearly say they don't take it is pointless and proves you haven't read their guidelines/policy. Also, don't make it sound like you're honoring me with a special gift. YOU are asking ME for a review. I'm not requesting your book).

I wrote this after reading “Self Editing for Fiction Writers” three times cover to cover and believe it is well-written, but only 25,000 words. (This is the most bizarre statement ever. Okay, good that you include a word count - a lot of reviewers want to know that or the page count. I don't because I DON'T TAKE REQUESTS! But my immediate response is that reading a book on self editing doesn't qualify you to write a book. Okay, so I don't expect you to justify your qualifications to write, but if you put that in a query letter to a publisher/agent you'd probably go straight into the slush pile, or get an automatic rejection. What about a blurb? Maybe a quote from another review? Maybe even a sample/snippet? An award? Most reviewers want more detail, and those taking self published works want some guarantee that it's been professionally edited and/or a sample).  It is only published as a Kindle book at this time. (Right, again, don't waste your time offering a digital format a reviewer might not be able to take. Again, this will usually be in their guidelines/policy, or ASK! Secondly, if it's Kindle don't just offer PDF. If you've self published you should be able to offer a free Kindle version too. Honestly, if you're self publishing it's easy enough to be able to offer most, if not all, digital formats. This will really open up your options in terms of both buyers and reviewers).
Just reply to this email if interested and I will send back the PDF. (Frankly I want to reply and tell you what you've done wrong. But I know from experience that the writers of form letters don't generally take any notice and continue to spam people. Most recipients of your email will ignore your request. Some will jump at it for the chance of a free book and something to blog about. I know people who might even be tempted to write you a bad review on the basis of this email. The fact that I got something like this immediately puts the book and the writer in a negative light for me - and for most people that I know. So, no, I won't be replying. This will just be a great example of how not to request a review or, in fact, request anything from anybody in the publishing industry).

Thanks,

(writer's name removed. Even bad publicity is still publicity, and I'm not doing that.)

So, want to know how to request a review properly? First, check out my list of over 200 Book Reviewers here.  Most of them will state quite clearly exactly what they want from an author/publisher, what you need to include in your request and/or provide a form to fill out, or at least an email address for your enquiry. If you want an example of a typical review request wishlist I suggest checking out Fantasy Cookie here which sets out a very concise and probably the most comprehensive example of what reviewers want to see. If their guidelines/policy don't make it clear, I've included below what I consider to be a basic review query that I would happily receive if I took them. Bear in mind this is what I would be willing to accept but many reviewers may have different views. Also mine is probably on the more formal side, mostly because I'm British. Some people would be happier with less formal. :P

Dear (reveiwer's name here),

I've followed/read/heard of/been recommended to your blog (blog name here) and would like to request a review of my book (title here), a (wordcount/number of pages) (genre here) novel/novella/short/graphic novel/anthology (delete as applicable).

Include a blurb, perhaps another review recommending it, any awards you may have, who published/edited it, whether it's trad/self/indie/small press/ezine published, where it's available to buy/view and what formats you can supply it in. Make sure you have researched the reviewer to see if your work is a good fit (not only will this mean you don't waste your's and the reviewer's valuable time but it will also increase your chances of a favourable review) and that it is in a genre/format/wordcount accepted by the reviewer. Also take note of where the reviewer will post the reviews, what sort of time scale they review in (please don't harrass reviewers before these dates - it's not good policy) and keep an accurate record of who you submitted to and when. Only chase up if you haven't had a reply when they state they do respond, and outside of the timescale that they quote. And don't send them in bulk!

Thank you for your consideration,

(author name)

As with anything in the publishing world (or even in general for that matter) the keys to success are thorough research, politeness and giving clear information. If you can't manage those three things, don't expect to get anywhere.

How not to solicit a review.

Just recently I received this email. I'm not going to include the book title or the sender, since I refuse to give them the benefit of even bad publicity to aid their work, but this is a classic case of something you SHOULD NOT DO!

Hi there, <--- (clearly couldn't be bothered to look up my name, my blog title - or simply hit a load of random email addresses. I wouldn't have minded if they gave me some indication of knowing who the heck I was! Or actually giving a damn.)

We were wondering if you could review -----------. This is a book that has been very popular on the
internet. It is a very powerful book , we would really appreciate it if you could review the book.
I have attached the ebook , photo cover , and book description. You will need the Sony reader to view the book.

Now, I state quite clearly on my blog that I don't take review requests direct. It says so in my Review Policy. If they'd bothered to look me up they would know that. I could forgive them on that point, but they continue to insult me. The email is very extremely badly written in a way that makes me grind my teeth and would convince me that the book would be equally poor. If you can't manage reasonable grammar in the request, what the heck is a book's worth going to be like?! Typos and the like - well, we've all done that. 

They tell me how it's a 'powerful' book but don't actually tell me what it is. They've sent me the book without waiting to know if I'm prepared to review it, and clearly without even bothering to look at the genre of books I tend to review. They then 'tell' me that I will have to use a Sony reader to read the book. Um, I don't have one of those. I have a Kindle. Not that I actually say I'll accept Kindle compatible books to review any more than I accept requests at all. But even if it had been a Kindle compatible version, I still wouldn't read it. Because, on scanning down the email, I discover this is a DIET book. Um, hello? *waves* Reviewer of speculative fiction here! Not only do I not read or review diet books (or any kind of self-help books), but I don't believe in dieting full stop. Now, I know a lot of people DO believe in dieting, but not me. And it seems to me that the only way to really review a diet book is to do the diet? Nuh-uh, missy!

Basically this comes back to one of my 'rules' in the whole publishing industry. Research. If they'd taken the time to research prospective reviewers, they wouldn't have wasted my time and theirs with this request. They wouldn't have irritated me enough to do one of my few rants on the blog. Not only do I not want to read the book but I'm tempted to post a review condemning their book, their tactics and their grammar. Having done a quick scan of Twitter and Facebook, and after speaking to a fellow author, it would seem that pretty much anyone remotely connected to books is being spammed with requests to review this book. The sad fact is they may well get reviews from it, but the majority are more likely to ignore the requests, or possibly report/block them as spammers. Will that stop them? Probably not.

On the plus side, I got a blog post out of it. And now I've purged my system by unleashing my thoughts upon the world, what are your thoughts? What would you have done if this request appeared in your inbox? (BTW, what I actually did was tell them that I don't accept review requests, that it wasn't my genre, and suggested that they take a look at my Book Reviewers List. Something else that is probably too much bother for them.)